Balls

On the first day of the Toronto Film Festival in 2002, I found myself at a party thrown by IFC. And was immediately drawn to a particular corner of the room, where stood Mr. Terry GIlliam, a filmmaker I much admire. I thought perhaps I'd have a word. Or maybe it was just that he was standing directly in front of the bar, to which I tended to make a beeline for when attending film festival parties in those days. In any event, Gilliam was standing with a great and famed and oft-troubled actor I will not name here, who was looking as if he'd enjoyed better days. The gruff-voiced thespian was leaning on what looked like a Victorian-era walking stick, a rather elegant and elaborately carved piece of wood, and protruding from the same hand with which he held the stick was a martini glass, poised at something like a 45-degree angle and still containing some greenish liquid. The actor wasn't spilling a drop. (I had seen Richard Harris doing something like that same trick, with a glass of red wine, in Toronto, almost exactly a year before.) In any event, the actor was explaining to Gilliam, and rather loudly at that, just why he needed that stick right now. 

Which was: he had just had a scrotum reduction procedure. Which procedure he was describing to Gilliam, not only loudly, but in not insubstantial detail. Gilliam listened attentively, with that raised-eyebrow look of perpetual surprise/amusement that you sometimes see on him in photos. Eventually the actor got around to explaining just why he had gotten a scrotum reduction procedure: "I just got tired of how every time I would sit down one of my balls would slide up the crack of my ass." At this Gilliam nodded, sagely, albeit with some bemusement. He was clearly stuck for a response, but eventually quipped, "My problem is not losing my balls every time I stand up," or something like that.

I bring up this story here because, for some reason, it came to mind more than once while I was watching The Expendables, a film I review today at MSN Movies.

Comments

[Ivan Lerner]

GK: Is this like one of those blind items on those gossip blogs? That its inclusion with the photo and the link to The Expendables review means that this scrotally-challenged thespian is in the flick? Or am I just wishing?

Your site rules, by the way/thanks,
Ivan

[Mark Asch]

http://www.imdb.com/media/rm2550438656/rg251369984

[EOTW]

Nick Nolte

[bill]

I really want to see THE EXPENDABLES, and I loved RAMBO, but this:

"As far as more than a few people are concerned, the formerly 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin might as well have been regularly opening a can of Dinty Moore in front of a hobo fire for the past few years, for as much impact as his existence has had on American culture of late"

is hilarious.

[Glenn Kenny]

@ M. Asch and EOTW: Hmm. Actually, I wasn't trying to do any kind of "blind item/guess who this is" schtick so much as trying to save the fellow—who, while often something of a train wreck and/or an open book, is not, I presume, ENTIRELY immune to embarrassment—some further unnecessary humiliation. Boy, you internet kids and your information needs—harsh realm!

[DUH]

Glenn, I applaud you for the most natural and effective deployment of the phrase "harsh realm" that I have ever seen...outside of Seattle, of course.

[Mark Asch]

Hmm right back. I wasn't attempting to be clever or "win," at least I don't think so—but the anecdote tantalized, as privileged knowledge tends to do, and so I set to googling. That the unnamed party could be unearthed by means of some very cursory research seemed a fact worth pointing out. I'd have no objections to your deleting my comment if discretion is your objective, though I'm not sure it'd do much good.

[Glenn Kenny]

No worries, Mark, I'm not ticked, just bemused, and understand that I might have been sending out a lot of "see-if-you-can-figure-out-who-I-mean" signals. Cat's out of the bag. For all I know, he might have discussed it on the record some place...

[bill]

I think he did, actually. Either way, I remember hearing about it somewhere or another.

[KEL]

According to contactmusic.com, it would seem Mr. Nolte has a propensity toward fabricating stories about his balls:

http://www.contactmusic.com/new/xmlfeed.nsf/story/nick-nolte-makes-up-testicular-surgery-story

[NowYouKnowMyName]

When I woke up this morning, I didn't know that Nick Nolte's balls would enter my realm of consciousness today. You never know what life (or Some Came Running) is going to bring! On that note, I'm going to drink some tea.

[otherbill]

This movie sounds like the most disappointing thing involving Stone Cold Steve Austin since the ill-advised heel turn at WM17. Or the Savio Vega match @ WM11. Or that time the booking committee decided to break up the Hollywood Blondes. AmIright? Anyone? No? Ok.

[The Siren]

I'm sure you're right and all but I still want to see this. Think it will be showing in Paris? I bet French subtitles to The Expendables would be a hoot.

[Evelyn Roak]

Still interested---the ad has promised me a "Mangasm." How can you say no to that? Statham is one of the better, and more interesting, action actors in many years. The Transporter films? Oh, yes indeed.

Comments are closed, so can we talk here about just how good, a) John Carpenter's Elvis movie is, b) Scotty Moore, James Burton AND Richard Lloyd are ("take it James...") and c) the many highs and lows of John Cale's solo career and A.C.N.E. Seriously, Carpenter's ELVIS is an excellent, excellent film.

[Kent Jones]

Among the multiple highs in John Cale's solo career - "Mr. Wilson," "Paris 1919," "A Child's Christmas in Wales," "The Soul of Carmen Miranda," that beautiful album he made a few years back with the songs about Magritte and Archimedes, and so on. The lows seem beside the point.

But enough about John Cale - he's OLD, which sucks, and should all be embracing the new. Although he does like vag, which is in his favor. I guess.

Glenn, you must've had, like, 30 winners on that quiz.

[Evelyn Roak]

I would put forth that while John Cale's highs certainly outdo his lows, I am definitely a fan, his is a case where the lows aren't entirely besides the point as they inform, and exist in an often interesting relationship, with the highs. Unlike his former compatriot Lou Reed who for the last 30 some odd years has been making mostly crap records, with a few good ones sprinkled in, that tend to be good or bad variations of the same thing (Songs For Drella seemed to have a good effect on Lou).

And, hey, better than John Cage who is dead and liked dick.

[Nicolas Leblanc]

@Siren : It'll be released the eigtheenth of this month in Paris. Expect plenty of subtitles-related fun.

[Dan Coyle]

Bill: I loved Rambo too. I found it to be more entertaining and thoughtful than the average direct to video films it borrowed as its template. Plus, I saw a dude's entrails.

[Jeff McMahon]

I'll bite - what was the 'thoughtful' part of Rambo?

[Dan Coyle]

Well, it was the fact that even after killing all those dudes, saving the day, Rambo doesn't raise his hand in triumph, he doesn't realize there is something to live for, he simply checks that everyone's all right and lumbers away. Yeah, justice was done, Rambo saved the day, but it was one ugly job, no matter how cool the gore was, kids.

And then he simply goes home, out of the wilderness. I like the simplicity of that.

[Tony Dayoub]

I definitely think RAMBO deserves more credit than what it's usually given. It just missed my top 10 list that year.

As for THE EXPENDABLES, not only did I admire its simplicity, but it's unabashed simple-mindedness.

[Chris O.]

Just one note on THE EXPENDABLES "spatial coherency" problem... one of the few interesting things about ROCKY BALBOA was the "unique" way (at least in the post-BOURNE American multiplex -- not to join the chorus of "Greengrass-cam"-like complaints) he shot the fight sequences. More action within the frame than *of* the frame, using TV coverage as a device for this. If I'm remembering correctly, that is. So, I'd hoped to get some of that kind of direction here, particularly when you have a guy like Jet Li doing some physical work (at 47), it'd be neat to actually get to *see* him do it (not only was it handheld & cut up, but it was dim as well). Anyway...