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July 21, 2010

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Chris O.

@Glenn: Ha!

"All the boys think she's a guy, she's got Marty Feldman eyes."

Michael Adams

Speaking of critics' fetishes, Andrew Sarris, in an unexpectedly candid moment in reviewing Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia, said Isela Vega offers "two big reasons any red-blooded American boy"
should see the film.

Dan Coyle

It's not that I don't find certain actresses a decade younger than I am attractive. I just don't feel the need to advertise that fact to get people to pay attention to me.

Now If you'll excuse me, I have to prepare for my weekly viewing of Vampire Diaries.

Grant L

The big tipoff for me is the tiredass dredging up of PC...as if political INcorrectness is some Voice of Truth in the Wilderness instead of something that can be found in huge quantities all over the net and which, IMO, is just as oppressive in its unrelenting insistence that anyone who disagrees is in deep denial. Please.

LexG

Speaking of Vampire Diaries:

NINA DOBREV is hot as August balls.

And why post on the Internet AT ALL if it's not to "get people to pay attention to you"? You type all this stuff out for your health? Everybody pens their little blog screeds for one purpose: TO GET ATTENTION.

And I CALL ATTENTION TO MYSELF because I AM TRYING TO GET FAMOUS.

If you're not trying to get famous, you're a fuckin' douchebag (paraphrased but TM Ray Winstone.)

joel_gordon

Nothing funnier than someone trying to present their own erotic preferences as a universal truth. I gave that up years ago, after horrifying my now-wife by admitting that I found Rebecca Pidgeon in The Spanish Prisoner to be incredibly sexy--something that was so out-of-left-field, and likely so unique to my own personality, that she treated it like the admission of a hardcore fetish. Now I just accept that beauty, for the most part, might be objective, but what turns us on is way too subjective to make much sense to anyone who doesn't agree with us. That's probably why critics don't talk about it in their reviews. Do we really want to know what makes A.O Scott flush and perspire?

lazarus

Glenn, unless you want your nice little blog community taken over by an outsided, attention-starved personality, I'd suggest thinking about nipping things in the bud.

This is a place where many of us come to avoid the kind of crap we have to read on blogs like Jeff Wells'.
And it's not like we're starved for a lack of humor with you at the helm and some very witty commenters.

LexG

No need.

Kenny rules, but given the warm response from the lovable regulars here, me and this blog are fuckin' done, professionally.

Have fun debating the esoteric value of FanFan La Tulipe and how it relates to the socieconomic plight of outer Uzbekistan, or whatever boring shit would be preferable to me being awesome.

DUH

Can't say that I expected this to come up here, but I find Zodiac MF pretty funny in small doses. It's repetitive, but twitter is a good format for his style.

I think it helps that twitter is an inherently stupid format. For example, I think this is hilarious for some reason: http://twitter.com/ZODIAC_MF/status/18881380803

The Siren

Now just look what y'all have done. Gone and driven away James Agee. Buncha meanies.

Oliver C

Also, I wish it was possible to buy a DVD of 'Crank' with a ZMF commentary track. (And I don't even like 'Crank'.)

Glenn Kenny

Jeez, I go for a swim, and look what happens.

For the record, I'm not in the business of banning or censoring commenters. Part of it's the principle. Part of it's the fact that I convincingly impersonated the world's biggest self-righteous asshole over at David Poland's place for too long a little while back, and was not only tolerated, but indulged. (whether my points were well-taken or not is beside the point; I could have been a WHOLE LOT more diplomatic in making them.) So there's that. I delete spam and the occasional off-the-wall obscene anomaly now and then, but that's it. Lex G or anybody else is welcome here if they wanna chime in. That is all.

Jeff McMahon

Wow, what a pleasant surprise this thread turned out to be.

Just to continue the conversation, I agree with Glenn's post that there's sure to be a happy medium somewhere between 'constipated longing' and 'embarrassing self-exhibitionism'. We all know that Roger Ebert has a thing for thoracic pulchritude, and he's no less respectable for it.

Jordans 6

what a incredible publish, wow.

bill

And Jordans 6 brings it home.

Also, Rebecca Pidgeon! That's a left-field woman who I have a "deal" for, or whatever.

Stephen Bowie

I'm all for thinking with your crotch (no less than Pauline Kael endorsed that idea) but when film critics do it in print, it can reinforce the point that their profession (1) is overwhelmingly male and (2) spends a whole lot of time indoors, not talking to people. Not that I think critics should suppress that urge if they, er, respond to a film sexually, but there is the risk of setting aside one's erudite, authoritative public face and exposing the inner slavering fanboy. Or just sounding like a sexist asshole, like LexG.

But as long as we're playing, am I the only one who finds Ellen Page very butch?

lazarus

I've heard it speculated many times that she's gay, but I don't find her "butch" as that word is often described. She still looks very young and seems more a little tomboyish if anything, and during my second viewing of Inception she seems to walk kind of funny.

LexC's twin brother

The other night, I came home from INCEPTION and I fell asleep dreamed I was back in Uzbekistan the outer part of it on the road from Samarkand to Bukhara or whatever. I'm sitting in a roadside diner munching on roasted goat and two hot Uzbek twins who look like Ellen Page slip me a note and then we're in the men's outhouse and while one ot them is blowing me the other one tongues my ear and whispers some shit about me being internationally recognized and SO hot and recognized by James Wollcott and how wet that made her, and then she starts talking about FANFAN LA TULIPE and its esoteric value and I say which FANFAN LA TULIPE, the Christian-Jacque version with Gerard Philipe or the Gerard Krawzck version with Vincent Perez, which totally shit the bed and why the fuck was it ahown in Cannes as opening night anyway. Then the other chick bites me and while I'm screaming ahe says, Like THAT has anything to do with our socieconomic plight! Then they start laughing at me and pointing at my dick, and screaming Nerd! And then the outhouse falls apart and thousands of Uzbeks are there laughing at me, screaming Nerd! And then I click my heels together three times and keep saying: I'm totally awesome and I'm gonna be famous, I'm totally awesome and I'm gonna be famous, I'm totally awesome and I'm gonna be famous...and then I wake up in Glenn Kenny's apartment with my eyes clamped open like in some boring Stanley Kubrick shit watching a loop of some even more boring black and white shit without Scarlett Johansen about a British couple on vacation directed by Rossellonioni starring Ingmar Bergman and George Segal, and then I wake up again for real but still not famous. But totally awesome.

brad

I've never even heard of half the girls in Lex's "UNEQUIVOCAL!!" list of the most beautiful women, but it's entirely laughable. I would submit Salma Hayek, Diane Lane, Jennifer Connelly, Angelina Jolie, Halle Berry, Beyonce, Marissa Tomei, Juliette Binoche, Sophie Marceau, Elizabeth Shue, Naomi Watts, Mariska Hargitay, Monica Belluci, Christina Hendricks, and many many many more beautiful women from their mid 30s on up are all gorgeous visions of beauty that have so much more to offer my fantasies than any vapid 18 year old ever could. But I guess i'm just funny that way....

Aaron Aradillas

Speaking of "hot" ladies, I'm doing a 10-15 minute phoner with Patricia Clarkson on Tuesday.

That is all.

lazarus

Alright, I laughed pretty hard at "Rossellonioni".

Michael Adams

"I'm all for thinking with your crotch (no less than Pauline Kael endorsed that idea)."

I once attended a talk by Pauline who began a tirade about writers who write with their penises, paused, pretending to notice someone in the audience she already knew was there, and then said unto the author of Deliverance, "Sorry, Dickey. I didn't see you there."
University of South Carolina, 1978

bill

"I'm all for thinking with your crotch (no less than Pauline Kael endorsed that idea) but when film critics do it in print, it can reinforce the point that their profession (1) is overwhelmingly male..."

Given the reference to Kael, this is a strange statement. What, women don't have crotches now?

BLH

Maybe the reason why so many teenage boys think Ellen Page is the bees knees is because she's basically a teenage boy with a vagina, which is exactly what a lot of teenage boys are looking for in a woman.

bootsy

I'm not sure there's any reason to list Derbyshire's fetishes. The fact that he's a huge racist is all you need to know about him. Are you saying he's smart because he's a "scientific racist?" That has as much science behind it as "scientific creationism."

But if you're looking for speculation about his sexuality, I would have to say that, like most racists, he's a white man with a tiny penis.

Glenn Kenny

Just like there's always room for Jello, it's never too late in a thread for some standard-issue indignant lefty puling.

bill

"...like most racists, he's a white man with a tiny penis."

I love irony.

Aaron Aradillas

Is he a real racist or, a lovabe racist like Walt Kowalski in GRAN TORINO?

Matthias Galvin

Man, all these comments did was make me feel bad that for fantasizing about a life with an early middle-aged female movie critic. (Not giving any names).

Feels bad man.

Lou Lumenick

Now Kristy McNichol...

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