The third hour (and change) of the 82nd Annual Academy Awards

 

10:32: "Why is it okay when Jamie Oliver does it but not when Michelle Obama does it?" "Because Jamie Olver's not a SOCIALIST!!"

Ar ar ar.

I'm right: Martin's funnier by himself. His intro of Bullock takes me back to my Knob-Creek-fogged viewing of his solo Oscar hosting.

I think Bullock might have borrowed her lipstick from Jesse James first wife.

Avatar. "It's not cinematography. It's animation!" But the cinematographer has a Central European-sounding name.

Richardson was robbed.

Oh Jesus. If there's one thing about the Oscars that didn't need "improving" it's the dead people montage. Just get the list as complete as possible and put the montage together. Don't "enhance" it by having James Taylor come out and coma-tize The Beatles. 

They dissed Farrah Fawcett. She was in Logan's Run AND Saturn Three, so the "she was a television person" argument doesn't wash.

Commercials. What's this bullshit with Cindy Crawford doing furniture for Penney's? I thought she had an EXCLUSIVE with RAYMOUR AND FLANIGAN!!!!

No time for Bacall or Corman, but time for this crap dance abomination. I try not to get overly agitated by the unbelievable awfulness of a given awards show...but as Orson Welles once said, "This is a lot of shit, you know that..."

"Which dancer represents the bomb?"

"Can we fast forward this?"

"No, it's going on live, in real time."

"Can we propel ourselves into the future, then?"

Apparently this horrible dance troupe thinks Up is Wall-E.

Michael Giacchino's score for Up is a very honorable win. Lovely score.  "Best speech," the room concurs.

Okay, Clooney is now being unexplainably weird.

Wow. Bradley Cooper is constitutionally incapable of turning off the smug, isn't he? He and poor G. Butler are out to announce visual effects gee I wonder what will win.

Jon Landau. How does he do THIS and the work with Springsteen at the same time, I always wonder.

So apparently Sandy Powell's "I already have two of these" remark is much disdained by all of the bright people, good people, nice people. Hence, Sandy Powell is my new favorite person.

Hey! MATT DAMON!!!

Food Inc. clip. Those cows look DELICIOUS.

All right. Fisher Stevens. Loved him in Short CIrcuit!

Tyler Perry. Okay, that Blind Side joke was pretty funny. The category, editing. Hurt Locker a not entirely surprising win. Hey, the bass player from the Smashing Pumpkins and Tim Burton's Bensonhurst cousin get Oscars.

Sean Penn is coming up. Maybe I'll go check out the live blog at Big Hollywood. Oh, look, a guy with a Confederate flag avatar says Penn should have an Oscar shoved up his ass! Hilarious!

Tarantino and Almodovar introduced Foreign Language nominees. Well, there's a good chance that THEY'VE seen one or two of them, right?

Ah, the comedy sensation The White Ribbon. But the Argentine film wins. And Colleen called it. Nice one, Colleen.

Ooh. The Pfeiff. Looking good. She's like, a year and change older than me. I'm gonna kill myself.

The Farm. Giving me a real "where does she get off" vibe. I'm sorry.

Moore. Ooh. She said "exemplary."

Hey, Tim Robbins. He sat next to me at the Film Forum screening of Borzage's No Greater Glory. He gets big points with me for that.

Colin Farrell remembers the bad old days with J. Renner. Odd.

Kate Winslet. Still poised. And crisp. And the Dude abides.

Jeff, remembering Sea Hunt. How can you not love this guy, seriously?

This win, while entirely predictable, has managed to cheer the entire room up. Because we love the Dude.

This awards show MAKES ME FEEL WORTHLESS! *sob*

Omigod it's Oprah!

Shit, it took me a minute to figure out Bullock's relationship to Forest Whittaker. Did I miss her in Ghost Dog?

Is Peter Sarsgaard heterosexual just to mess with people?

"I'm wearing dark blue, what are you wearing?"

Tucci. Again, he was wonderful in The Devil Wears Prada, but you know, I was...

Here's Penn. He seems a little...tired. Very tired.

It's Bullock. I'm glad, because for a minute I thought Sidibe would win. Does that make me a bad person?

"She knows the answer."

She was great in Demolition Man. And her speech is fun.

Papa can you hear me? Is there some sort of semiotic significance in having auteur Streisand call the Best Director play?

"Well the time has come." Lee Daniels?

Nah. Bigelow Bigelow Bigelow. Nice to see an Art and Language alumnus get a big mainstream honor.

Exit music: "I Am Woman." What was the name of that Throbbing Gristle album? How Could Hell Be Any Worse? No, I mean Bad Religion.

Ohmigod Hurt Locker wins Best Picture.

You know what this means? 

I'll see you all at Extra Virgin tomorrow, bitches!!!! Bring yr flipcams and the number for a bail bondsman!

Big ups from the beard boys to Nick Chartier!

All right, I'm exhausted. Carry on. Thanks for hanging. 

Comments

[TheJeff]

How the fuck does a movie drawn on a computer win for best cinematography over The White Ribbon?

[Roger Mexico]

hey its all those people who died this year who just aren't john hughes! rohmer, swayze, dom deluise, fuck 'em, they ain't john hughes!

[bill]

"Richardson was robbed."

Goddamn right he was.

[TheJeff]

Clooney is obnoxiously swatting cameramen away when Martin and Baldwin aren't even on stage.

[Chris H]

Best guess: What's Clooney on tonight? Because you know for sure he's on something. The ol' back actin' up perhaps.

[TheJeff]

Other than Michael Giacchino, this has to be the worst Oscars ever -- and I hate when people say stuff like that. Horrible silly wins, obnoxious speeches, unfunny "comedy," ridiculous interpretive dance, fucking over the honorary winners. What's next?

[bill]

If Clooney's on something for his back, he should be in a better mood.

[bill]

My sister in law pointed out that Matt Damon was introduced by Arec Barwin.

[Jake]

If Clooney's on something for his back, he should be in a better mood.

If he's pissed about being there, he shouldn't be so ostentatious about it. Drama queen!

[TheJeff]

What a fucking waste of time that Actor blowfest was.

[bill]

"Hey, Tim Robbins. He sat next to me at the Film Forum screening of Borzage's No Greater Glory. He gets big points with me for that."

He was probably there to meet a screenwriter. Also, he seemed a little bitter, didn't her?

[Uncle Kenny]

If you look under your seats, you'll see that each and every one of you ... has won a car!

[bill]

I get the impression Bullock doesn't think she deserves the award.

[Jake]

Wikipedia is doing a fine job reporting on this event:

http://img26.imageshack.us/img26/7376/thedudewins.jpg

[bill]

Well, the best movie that had any shot in hell of winning has won. I can live with that.

[Glenn Kenny]

@ Bill, re Robbins, he was entirely alone, and very much there for the movie. Honest!

[joel_gordon]

Sandy Powell was absolutely right about the over-representation of period films (all five!). Also, that score to UP should never be played within 100 feet of me. Before I even recognized it, I was sobbing uncontrollably in front of my wife. Not my best hour. And a good speech from Giacchino.

[TheJeff]

And the Oscar for "most senselessly over-confident douchebag who swore up and down that Iron Man would tank, Transformers would clean up at the Oscars, and there was absolutely no way Avatar would lose best pic because he talked to *a lot* of Academy voters" goes to...

Between Don Murphy proving what an idiot he is again, and Wells' promise to accost waitresses, that win made up for the rest of the shitty night.

[Diane Rainey]

Thanks for the colorful commentary Glenn. I boycotted it this year cause of the Cablevision issue..Not really into awards shows anyway so i watched PBS instead. At least that's still free TV..(even tho i feel guilty every time I don't donate when they have their drives. Note to self: DONATE..they deserve it.

[James Keepnews]

Bill -- I get the impression I don't think SB deserves the award, either. Was this year's crop of female performances really that damn woebegone that Dames Helen and Meryl's sleepwalking (Streep-walking?) defined Best Actress downwards enough so that Ms. B's turn floated to the top? I loves Sandy, but in what other year would that performance have won an Oscar, much less have been nominated?

[Alex]

I don't remember Kubrick or Billy Wilder getting the kind of "death tribute" that John Hughes received . Take another look at his credits-very minor. Among the honored deaths were Budd Schulberg ( On The Waterfront) and Millard Kaufman (Bad day at Black Rock) Breakfast Club is an OK movie but nowhere near those 2 . Also hated taking the special oscars to Lauren Bacall & Roger Corman out of the show. What this years show lacked was respect for movie history.

[Account Deleted]

@Alex: Spielberg presented a clips montage on the Oscars when Kubrick died.