Miss America (Dagne Crane) serenades "traitor" Fielding Mellish (Woody Allen) and the jury in Bananas, 1971.
So I turn on CNN last night to have something to listen to while I cook dinner, and I swear to God that three of their correspondents or commenters or whatnot are having an incredibly earnest debate over whether Miss USA front-runner Miss California Carrie Prejean failed to win the crown on account of her disapproval of gay marriage, which was voiced in answer to a question on same. And I thought, "My God, is there no clean and pure and true aspect of American life that can escape the taint of the sodomite?" And then I thought, "Is this the 'Who GIves A Shit' segment of the program?" I mean, seriously, does anybody know of a cable news channel that doesn't cover this kind of nonsense, and if so, can you tell me what service to subscribe to in order to get it?
In any case, the three commenters/correspondents seemed pretty het up about Miss California's being denied. On account, I think, of that she was so smokin' hot and vacant that she had really nailed what Miss USA was all about, so why should her opposition to homo marriage get in the way of that? Their resentment was such that I was waiting for them to break out into a chorus of that Electric Eels ditty "You Crummy Fags."
Apparently the whole thing is Perez Hilton's fault. Hilton was one of the judges at the Miss USA pageant, and the question was his idea. I know, I know—Perez Hilton is judging beauty contests now; WTF? If you don't keep up with this sort of thing, it can really pass you right by. And if you do keep up with it, it'll eat your soul. No-win situation, really.
The whole thing puts me in mind of that classic bit in Woody Allen's Bananas, at the trial of New York nebbish turned Latin American dictator Fielding Mellish. Miss America shows up as a character witness, sings a little Cavelleria Rusticana, and lays it all out for the jury.
Prosecutor: Tell the court why you think he's a traitor to his country.
Miss America: I think Mr. Mellish is a traitor to this country because his views are different from the views of the president, and others of his kind. Differences of opinion should be tolerated. But not when they're too different. Then he becomes a subversive mother.